Vday

Hey.
Happy Chinese New Year to all the Chinese people. Thanks to them I got a day off college. Yay!

I've been feeling gloomy lately. Probably because I went through the 14th of February valentineless. Not sure if that's even a word but yeah you got my point.
They say it's normal to feel unwanted, unloved, whatsoever. But I don't want to be normal. I want to be the girl who is brave and careless. The girl that doesn't give a shit about things that don't matter. I want to be abnormal... in a good way. But no. Here I am being all pathetic and sad.

I know all about the "You don't have a Valentine on Valentine's day? Some people don't have a mother on Mother's day" crap and I know it's supposed to make me feel better but it didn't.

Funny thing is that not a single person on earth knows about this part of me.
In real life, I give love advises, well more like me preaching about how sucks love can be and how one does need to be in love to live a happy life. I give people reasons to move on from their break ups and they would think I'm this cool girl with a cold heart. Right, I am a strong woman with no romantic interest who guys don't mind to hang with because I'm practically just like them.

But they are wrong. I don't have cold heart, in fact, I am the most hopeless romantic person you will ever meet. I have crushes, I might have been in love a lot more than you think. I read romantic novels and manga, I love romantic comedies and I listen to a lot of romantic songs while fantasizing over my love life.

The only reason I never talk about it is because my love life kinda... sad? Suck is probably the best way to put it. No guys has ever liked me back. The guys who actually like me were either taken or too much a coward to do anything about it. Sad right? I mean, I'm asking much. I'd take any guy who would take me for the way I am.

That's another problem. People don't seem to like me the way I am so I constantly try to be someone else and yeah that leads me to act around new people. Once a guy got to know me he'd be too comfortable to even start a relationship.

You know what, I'm feeling pathetic just writing all this. You might think "Damn, this girl sure is an attention whore. Acting all strong and revealing how fragile she really is. What a bitch."
Well fuck you. No one even read my blog so be it.